Assorted

Pardon the blog title. Ran out of ideas.

So.

I finished my last paper today. That officially signalled the end of MPharm III.

I heard a girl exclaimed "YES!" the minute the invigilator said we're free to go. But surprise surprise, I didn't feel anything.

Not even relief, which one would have expected.

I called home straight after. Not sure why I did that since my family knew I was finishing today anyway. But I guess I just wanted to hear them say "it's ok, it's over now, don't think about it anymore."

This is officially the worse exams I've sat for in my entire 16 years of schooling.

Yeah, I know some of you might defy my premature predictions considering the results aren't even out yet, but if I say gut feeling, would you still defy it?

I don't think it's pessimism. Maybe it is, but I don't think so.

You see, if the papers were tough, and I couldn't answer them, then fine, I'll just sit back and hope for the best. But the actual truth is that I didn't have the best of preparations.

Concentration went AWOL, self discipline deserted me and self belief dumped me.

I was still holding up alright after the Clinical paper, but right after Chem exam on Friday, I hit rock bottom. Honestly have never felt so battered before. My entire self was defeated, and even thinking about it now gives me chills.

I felt really hopeless about questions I couldn't answer. And I'm not talking about those haha-we're-trying-to-get-you questions. I am referring to straightforward, it's-there-in-my-notes-but-I-can't-remember-well-slash-at-all questions. The kinda stuff I wished I had read more closely but didn't.

It sucks to know I could have answered it and yet I couldn't. It sucks to know it was in my hands yet I let it slip through my fingers.

Pharmacology wasn't until a week after, so the few days in between gave me some time to pick myself up again. But I'm not sure I liked those breathers in between. I'd much rather get it over and done with asap. I knew I lost a great deal of momentum, that's for sure.

Anyway, fast forward a week later, here we are, MPharm III is officially done and dusted.

I was one of the first to leave the hall. I couldnt' stand hearing all those post-mortems that were flying about. I bet my coursemates were taken aback by my not stopping by to say goodbye, as I usually do whenever we break for hols.

Sorry pals, I just had to leave.

I walked to town to run some errands. Came back and started offloading my books back to the library. Did some packing and cleaning before hopping over to 60 Colum Road for dinner with some pharm mates and uni mates. Must say it was really sweet of them to have organised a get-together. I had a great time catching up with people I've not met in months, one whose name I forgot and the worse bit? He remembered mine! Argh, imagine the guilt and paisehness! I usually remember people's names you see, but lately, I've been having memory like a sieve. It's called neurodegeneration. Can't help it :)

Came back and helped a floormate with some packing and managed to watch the England-Brazil friendly later in the evening. It wasn't too exciting I have to admit, but that's how England games are anyway. And as usual, the England goal came from set-pieces. The ex-skipper provided the new England captain with an inch-perfect free-kick to head into the goal mouth half way through the second half. As an England supporter, I was naturally thrilled to see the Three Lions net one against the mighty Brazilians. But in true English fashion (football wise), they conceded in the last minute and the game ended 1-1.

It's now past 12 and my room is in a mess. My eyes are heavy but I don't feel like sleeping.

If only I had such determination and 'energy' to stay awake during my revision period, I would be properly celebrating the end of exams right now, as opposed to crying over spilt milk...